July 20, 2009

Nic Cage To Destroy "Green Hornet"

I'm not a big fan of superhero movies. It's never really been my thing. I liked Richard Donner's Superman but I was five years old when that came out. Back then, my favorite movie was pretty much always the last one that I saw. I really liked Tim Burton's Batman. Didn't much like his sequel, and hated the entire Joel Shumacher era. (Speaking of him, is he like in Hollywood jail? After his Batman sins, he made 8MM and then sort of vanished to b-movies.)

But overall, I can't really say I'm a big superhero guy when it comes to flicks. But I have to admit, Seth Rogen's Green Hornet was something I was following with growing interest. This is particularly unusual because I literally know nothing of the Green Hornet at all. I've never read a comic book in my entire life, let alone a Green Hornet one. (Hang on, do "Archie's" count as comics? 'Cause I've read those.)
But the movie was still intriguing to me for a few reasons. First, I love the casting of Seth Rogen. As I said, I'm a fan of Burton's "Batman" and that's largely because I love the casting of Michael Keaton. First, I think he's a great actor; and he has a ton of chrasima. But what I really like about him in this film is he's not exactly what you'd expect for a "superhero" movie. The casting, at the time, was met with almost universal scorn. And this was in the pre-internet days when shitting on movies in production took a lot more effort than today. You actually had to make a considerable effort to share with the world that you know how to make the movie better. But I digress.

So I liked the odd casting of Rogen, and then when word came that the film would be directed by Michel Gondry it went from a film of interest to a must-see. And then, today, I read that Nic Cage is in talks to play the bad guy in this movie. A lot of time has passed since I saw a Nic Cage movie that didn't ultimately become a comedy due to his wretched over-acting and the thought of him playing a villain in a comic book movie, where he might be encouraged to chew the scenery and it doesn't look good.

Nicholas Cage shouldn't be allowed to do a comic book movie. Actually, in a perfect world, he shouldn't be allowed to make movies at all. But comic book movies, in particular, he should avoid. Why? Well, first of all, he made Ghost Rider. They couldn't even cut a trailer for that thing without including unintentional comedy. You just know the second it came out Halle Berry high-fived Ben Affleck cause they knew that Catwoman and Daredevil got pushed down the list of uber-shitty superhero movies. (By the way, Cage actually has a Ghost Rider 2 in pre-production now. I have no clue how he gets studios to fund this shit... I mean do you know anybody that liked that movie? Anyone at all?)

But on top of his incredibly crappy taste in scripts (he was supposed to be in Sam Raimi's Spiderman but passed. What a clown.), Despite that, make no mistake, this guy is a comic nerd. He and his son Weston (who now fancies himself a rock and roll star) co-created a comic book called "Voodoo Child" together. It goes much further, though... This clown actually named his other son Kal-El Cage. Kal-El! For the non-nerds reading, Kal-El is Superman's given name. Why not just name the kid Beat The Shit Out Of Me Cage, because with Kal-El, he's doomed his son to a world of wedgies, noogies and drop kicks. Like most comic book fans, creepy Cage is also a collector. The man is a massive Elvis Presley fan, has collected Elvis memorabilia for years and then ... married Elvis' daughter, Lisa Marie. This poor woman can count Nic Cage and Michael Jackson as her ex-husbands! So why the hell does Gondry want this man in his film? He's gonna be waaaay too into it. And when Nic Cage over-acts, it's a disaster. Much like Robert DeNiro, it's hard to believe the shitty actor we see today is the same guy that brought us such killer performances years ago. Nic Cage was brilliant in Raising Arizona, Wild At Heart, Leaving Las Vegas .... but that was then.... now the only interesting thing about his new films is seeing what horrible hair piece he'll wear on Letterman shilling it.

On the bright side, I'm sure, as the villain, his objective will be to destroy the Green Hornet, and if he's cast, that's exactly what he'll do.